Hmmmm . . .

. . . "humming" bird . . .

Now I KNOW the 'why' after 54 years!
Now I KNOW the 'why' for the name!
Now I KNOW . . . because I  realized when 'I listened' through my eyes and 'I saw' with my ears.

Yes . . . you've read this correctly and I've written as intended.

Today I was sitting outside in the quiet while centering my Spirit during a time that I was 'convinced' a full moon was upon us.  Well . . . no full moon, but . . .

I saw, from the corner of my eye, quick movement that suddenly ceased.  When I looked up I noticed the newly planted purple bushes (I don't know the name) and realized how very much they had grown and filled out. 

There, in the center of a still bush, I heard this 'humming' sound and found myself becoming tense.  I was reacting to the sound of, what I supposed were the wasps who are building new nests on a daily basis, and my fear of a sting (I am very allergic).  The reaction came and left abruptly when I saw a sheen of beautiful greens, blues & purples in the midst of the plant.  There 'it' was!  Yes!

The teeniest, tiniest and incredibly brilliant "humming" bird!

Ahhhhh . . . but of course!  54 years and another AH HA moment.  It doesn't get much better than this or does it!

Listening is an incredible thing - both from the eyes and the ears!

Hmmmmmmmmmm ! 

More or Less OR Less is More ?

. . . more or less . . .                          OR
                           . . . less IS more . . .

Welcome back!  I've returned after an absence of several months since returning to complete my undergraduate degree at the beginning of 2012.

How very nice to return HERE where my passion of writing lies.

I've come to realize, with the help of those around me, the ABSOLUTE answer to this question for myself - and perhaps for others.  What do I mean by this?  Perhaps you already know - yet, always a gentle reminder in life.

Remember the days when you wanted ALL of the toys?  The NEW gidgets and gadgets that are advertised around us?  The DREAM of having that NEW car or BIG house or most fashionable clothes?  Remember?  I KNOW you do.  These are 'things' that surround us daily and that by others, the media, books, your best friend, your neighbor, etc. will NOT let us forget.

Well . . .

Those are the days I've MORE or LESS left behind . . .   The realization of less IS more is what surrounds me in this moment.

The very essence of WHO I AM and the difference I make within this world is so much LESS of the 'material' and much, much MORE of the core of who we are and what we have been freely 'gifted' within.

Where are you in this process?  Are you in process?  Some things NEVER change nor do realizations come until you are WITHOUT.  In this realization of seemingly being WITHOUT there is an abundance of what IS!

Yep . . . it resides WITHIN!

I wish you this gift of realization!

Nice to be back!

Michele

Unification VS Separation

   I have some quite wonderful experiences while using the WiFi service at my neighborhood McDonald's.  Seems this location is right on the highway that leads folks out of the Monterey area to the adjoining freeways.  I've had many experiences of meeting people from all over the world who are just passing through and are on 'holiday' from other countries, often Europeans.  Today was another experience.
   Spending time with Sebastian and his long time partner Esther, both from Niort, France, we spoke about many things.  The common thread we found was not only the physical beauty they have experienced in this country but the beauty of the people.  These mere conversations amongst strangers form a type of universal unification.
   The thought occurred to me about the difficulties we, I, find ourselves in with our neighbors,
co-workers, family, etc. that create separation.  The simplest misunderstandings get blown way out of proportion.  The listening ear seems to become deaf and assumptions made.
   While meeting and speaking with many foreigners, I find myself really, really having to 'listen' to what is being said.  Accents, mannerisms, volume of voice, etc., can become misleading.  This is the same when separations occur.  Is real 'listening' happening or are we assuming that we know the next thing that will be said because of past experiences?
   I have become disenchanted when those we encounter on a daily basis become cause for distance yet those from a great distance become the HOPE for unifying one sense and love for ALL people.  Mysterious, confusing, frustration - yet MAGICAL.
   I choose the MAGICAL!  What will you choose?

Heaven !

Recently I had a flashback of a wonderful memory that really never leaves me.  I thought it powerful enough to share her.  Here is my story from the memory of a 53 year old of the experience of a child.

When I was 3 years old I went to a parent co-op nursery school.  Being a parent co-op, my mom volunteered mornings with us.  One morning she came to awaken me to prepare for school.  I awoke with a start, hysterical, angry and crying.  She had taken me away from a place I wish to share with you.  She sat with me and asked her to tell her the story.  This is what I told her, as clear as if it were yesterday.

'Twas a very warm and loving place filled with many things

I cannot remember seeing any faces

I still remember the sense of Spirit and of the God I knew as a 3 year old child

I was held in someones or somethings embrace

It was a very quiet and peaceful place filled with beautiful colors

In the silence and quiet

I could hear EVERYTHING quite clearly

I felt as though I knew everything there was to ever know

The place was amazing and beautiful and busy

In it's stillness

Relaxing, pleasant, etc.

I KNEW that I was just a baby but I also was full of WISDOM

I went to that place a few times and have prayed to be taken at other times

I KNOW I experienced HEAVEN

Not in a dream

Not in my imagination

I really believe, to this day, that God invited me to His Kingdom

Sot that I would KNOW

I ALWAYS had a place

Even at that young age

I was fearful for the death of my mom, of losing her

Yet, when I was with her as she lay dying

I remembered this place

HEAVEN

I KNEW then as I KNOW now

Without a shadow of a doubt

That HEAVEN exists and that

There is NO HELL

Other than what we live in today.

I offer you this same sense and that perhaps, we can all experience a bit of HEAVEN in our daily HELLS.

The mind of a child is precious and so simply in any complex (?'s) !

Who is the LEADER of YOUR BAND?

   While listening to a mix of music today, up comes this song that I've not heard in many years.  I think I was about 25 years old and working as a Coordinator of Youth Ministry at the time, when my dad was spending Father's Day in Nebraska with my mom and her parents.  I wanted to gift him with something so special that he would always remember.  I decided that I would record this song, leave a personal message at the end and send it off.
   This song really spoke to me in so many ways:  First, that the Leader of MY Band was two-fold and both spoke of Father.  Father / God  and  Father / Dad.  I've written the lyrics for you and will tell you what happened after this was sent to my dad.

LEADER of the BAND

Dan Fogelbert

An only child, alone and wild

A cabinet maker's son

His hands were meant for different work

And his heart was known to none

He left his home and went his lone

And solitary way

And he gave to me a gift I know

I never can repay

A quiet man of music

Denied a simpler fate

He tried to be a soldier once

But his music wouldn't wait

He earned his love through discipline

A thundering, velvet hand

His gentle means of sculpting souls

Took me years to understand

The leader of the band is tired

And his eyes are growin' old

But his blood runs through my instrument

And his song is in my soul

My life has been a poor attempt

To imitate the man

Oh, I'm just a living legacy

To the leader of the band

My brothers' lives were different

For they heard another call

One went to Chicago

And the other to St. Paul

And I'm in Colorado

When I'm not in some hotel

Living out this life I've chose

And come to know so well

I thank you for the music

And your stories of the road

I thank you for the freedom

When it came my time to go

I thank you for your kindness

And the times when you got tough

And Papa, I don't think I said

"I love you" near enough

The leader of the band is tired

And his eyes are growin' old

But his blood runs through his instrument

And his song is in my soul

My life has been a poor attempt

To imitate the man

Oh, I'm just a living legacy

To the leader of the band

I am a living legacy

To the leader of the band.

   The message I spoke about to my dad had to do with his example to me as a child and my appreciation of him as a person.  He had taught me much, and also hid much within himself (as the song speaks).  I told him that one of the most important things I learned from him was NEVER to drink alcohol to the point of being out of control.

   You see, my dad was an alcoholic.  I NEVER wanted to be like him in this ONE sense.  I plead with him in my message to PLEASE quit drinking.  My mom shared with me that when he heard and read the words I had gifted him with, he began to cry.

   Some years later, he over did it and was 'drunk'.  We got in a verbal argument (which was common), and he took the tape I had made along with the card / letter and threw it at me saying, "You did not mean any of this".   Well, I knew better than to argue at this point but saved everything.

   Seventeen years later, as my mom lay dying at home, I said to my dad, "Dad, if you'd like me to continue to live here and help you out - then you've got to quit drinking!"  My mom passed on July 2, 2002.  My dad NEVER drank again  and passed on November 15, 2006.  Within days of mom's passing, my dad asked if I still had the tape and letter!  Of course, I did and returned it to him with love, hugs & kisses.  A miracle had occurred around the illness of alcoholism.

   Father / God  and  Father / Dad  are really one in the same to me and have always been..  I cannot see either of them.  I can, however, feel both of them.  I've not been guided by just one, but by both.  I have been blessed all the way around.

   I KNOW who the LEADER of my BAND is!  Who is yours?



WHY?

   Why do things happen the way they do?  People die abruptly.  Connections are made and then lost. Comfort zones become zones of discomfort.  Commitments are made and then never followed through.  The list goes on and on and on . . . yet for me, on this day, in this time, I only have a few questions that are left unanswered.
   This morning I received a call from a church member informing me that a beautiful, giving, humble and God blessed woman, lost her life last night.  She wasn't sick.  No one killed her.  She just simply didn't feel well and on her way home - passed out at the wheel, crashed and died.  Just like that!  No preparation for those left behind.  Shock, disbelief, tears, etc. from all who knew her.  But I am certain beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this woman was always prepared - simply by the way in which she lived her life.
   The Rector, at the church where I worship, has ten more days before her 'interim' position is finished.  A full-time Rector will be hired and lead this very same flock of people.  I have known her for a short time in man's calendar, but in my heart I feel as though I have known her far longer.  She has allowed me to open up and share my Spiritual self.  Not that others don't - but she understands!  She has walked along many of the same roads that I now find myself walking.
   Fifty three years ago my parents chose for me to be baptized and in doing so chose my 'Godparents'.  It just so happens that my father was in the Army stationed in Germany and the Godparents were also a military family.  I grew up never knowing my Godparents and envying my siblings for all knowing and having a relationship with theirs.  Interestingly enough, I happen to be the one to always be involved in some way, shape or form.
   How is this all connected?  Let me share:  The Rector, when I shared my story of a lack of God parenthood, suggested I 'adopt' Godparent(s).  I've spent time in prayer and made a decision to ask a member of my church if I could 'adopt' her.  This was the week I was going to do so.  Last night she was killed.  WHY?
   Perhaps a lesson is being shown to me.  This is NOT a new lesson - but one which I have had much difficulty in accepting.  This is the lesson of PATIENCE!  Without patience, I will always ask the question WHY!  WITH Patience, the answer will be shown to me and the need to question is less prevalent.
   So, this being said, the writings of today can be condensed into three words: 

WHY = irrelevant = PATIENCE

May I, you, the world, ALL of us LIVE by these three words.  Reverse them if need be, then laugh.

Far too long!

   I've realized that it has been far too long since I've written a post here.  Many people that I am surrounded by in my life, both locally and afar, are dealing with various illnesses and I've placed my energies in prayer for them as well as encouragement, smiles, cards, etc.  Anything and everything to lift their Spirit!
   I have a short verse to share with you and ask that you keep yourself well in all aspects of your life.  I also ask that you keep your Spirits uplifted for yourself.  Only in this way can we be of any benefit to those in need of our support and positive thoughts.

She Who Heals – An American Indian Healing Prayer

Mother, sing me a song That will ease my pain, Mend broken bones, Bring wholeness again. Catch my babies When they are born, Sing my death song, Teach me how to mourn. Show me the Medicine Of the healing herbs, The value of spirit, The way I can serve. Mother, heal my heart So that I can see The gifts of yours That can live through me. So, however you read this, or the need to change some words, know that it is all positive and sent to you as well as within me! Be blessed! Michele